I don't know why what happened today, happened. I'm still finding myself, and failing at that. I hate it when people nowadays go, No failure, Only Learning Experiences, or all the t-r-y thing. Aiya whatever k, I mean I know it, I preach it, and I still keep to it. But coaches, past or present are all humans, and humans have feelings, they err. I don't feel like coaching for like, a few years then go back as a participant. I keep wondering if the coaches will treat me like another participant, or would they treat me as an excoach? Maybe by then, I would be a loner, no friends, and I'm by myself. Would they use the whole, ttp thing to help me? Or would they use the soft approach? And then again, would I be receptive? I mean, yes coaches are expected to be on top of the rest at all times, but i'm so tired. I'm tired of so many things, I'm tired of so many people, I'm tired. I'm tired of being expected to be the best, I"m tired of being expected to pay attention in class/be the good girl, I'm tired of being expected to score in exams, just because I'm a coach. It's like some unspoken agreement which I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's bringing me down. Anyway, I'm not supposed to talk about the whole Akltg thing. So yeh hah, I don't know. I'm just not feeling quite myself.

Anyway! Thank you sella, heh your hugs are so, Weird, and reassuring :) Shasha! Cheer up k, Rmbr, the post it note with only 3 words okay ! (: (And to the rest of the world, no, it's not I love you) I'm pissed with so many people now, heh. So please, if you see me, don't talk to me, don't bother. Treat me like a stranger, like the busker at the mrt station, like someone who doesn't matter. I can't stand to be treated nicely, cos then, my mind gets confused, i don't know how to think, and I really really don't know how to act or hide my facade anymore.